all you need is love.

The end of each year always brings a time of reflection, and I can say that for me 2011 has been filled with many lessons learned. If I could use one word to define this past year, it would be change. While 2010 could be characterized as stable for the most part, 2011 has truly been a roller coaster ride. I have been up and down and everywhere in between just trying to navigate through college, career development and relationships.

What happened to me in 2011? I turned 21. I strengthened existing friendships and lost some along the way. I finally received settlement for the car accident from 2010. I still didn’t get a car. I broke up with my boyfriend. I gained two roommates. I went out on dates. I took up new hobbies. I interviewed and networked. I met fascinating people. I was featured in a college-wide newsletter. I quit my job. I gained new friends.

When I was younger I kept an online diary, and I smile whenever I think about the things I wrote. I kept the journal in middle school so my posts were things like how my crush said hi to me in the hallways or how my volleyball team won against our rival. Part of the reason I came back to blogging is so that I can better reflect upon my life and make improvements. Looking back on 2011 from memory, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed. Don’t get me wrong - I appreciate all the positives and even some of the negatives, but I don’t think I’m satisfied. Actually, I know I’m not satisfied. I want to continually grow and make myself better in all aspects, and I think 2012 can be that year.

Even though 2011 was full of change, a majority of it was not exactly positive. Or maybe it’s just the negatives that I remember since they were overwhelmingly big events. However, I can already feel 2012 beginning to shape up as a positive year. My mom is looking into a loan for a new car for me, and my relationship with my dad is improving. I’m waiting to hear back from a few internships, and I’m almost done with college! On a day to day basis I try to find the positives in everything, and I want that to strengthen over the next year.

So here’s to 2012! May it be filled with change, new lessons and positivity. What are your hopes for 2012?

Today was two of my friends’ birthdays (happy birthday S & K!), and I had the opportunity to talk about change with one of the aunties at the party tonight. New Years is just around the corner, and people are beginning to list out their hopes and resolutions for 2012. It’s weird to type that out - I don’t think I’ll ever be automatically accustomed to the change of the digits each year. But anyway, we spoke tonight about how she received an email from a friend about how the new year is an opportunity to let go of past grudges and all the baggage from the previous year so we can start completely anew. It’s not a difficult concept at all, but it’s a lot easier said than done. After all, people don’t hold grudges because it makes them feel good, right?

In the past few years I’ve had problems with a core group of friends that I thought would always be there for me no matter what. These were people I’ve grown up with and previously poured my heart into so I never really thought that I would ever be in this position. First a little background info - my life has been one that has forced me to grow up quickly. I’ve had to deal with things that most people never have to deal with, and I realize that these experiences have made me the person I am today. A lot of the people in this core group - actually all of these people - have no idea what it’s like to go through the things that I have had to, and they probably never will. Sometimes when people don’t understand something, they shut it out completely, and these friends turned their back on me at a time I needed them the most. But I don’t blame them anymore.

For years this bothered me, and I would go through periods where I would tell myself that it didn’t even though deep down it really did. Now I can finally say that I am ready to let go. I have wonderful and amazing best friends who really care about me and really are there for me through everything, and I should be grateful for them. I have best friends who didn’t run away from me because of how bad my family problems were.

This photo perfectly sums up my feelings about my decision to let go. I had always felt a part of me was giving up on these friendships, that somehow it was completely my fault if I didn’t continue trying to save each friendship. I’ve come to realize it’s not giving up anymore, it’s about knowing when enough is enough.

The decision to let go might seem like a quick choice on a blog post, but it’s been a long five years coming. So for me 2012 is all about gratitude and appreciation and letting go. It’s time to move on and focus on the meaningful friendships instead of grasping at memories of people who I called best friends before my family problems began. I’m excited about all the opportunities that this new outlook will bring. In fact, I can already feel the effects of just happiness because of the extra weight that has lifted off my shoulders. And it’s not even 2012 yet!

I think I’m off to a good start.

-oceanspray: